The king's swearing

H8: "Mum, was it The King's Speech you went to see last night?"

Me: "Yes it was. Why?"

H8: "Because it's on Newsround. It's got 12 nominations!" (Pause while she gives me her best impressed expression.) "What age is it?"

Me: "Fifteen, I think, because of all the swearing."

H8: "Oh." (Thinks.) "Like what?"

Me: "I'm not going to teach you how to swear! That's for you to learn in the playground at school. Anyway you've heard most of the words before. (Daddy says them.) I'm not going to tell you what they are." (And I'm hoping to drink this cup of coffee before it gets icebergs and polar bears in it.)

H8: "Snigger. Has it got the F-word in it? I don't know the F-word." (Clearly she does.)

Me: "Yes it has, lots and lots." (And very funny it is too. Snigger.)

H8: "I say bloody a lot. Bloody hell! Bloody BLOODY hell!" (Snigger.)

Me: "It's not very ladylike to swear. I don't do it." (I've slipped into my Margo Leadbetter voice again. And she knows darned well that I swear. I say bugger.)

H8: "Sometimes I say beep."

Me: "It's usually best to think of something other than a swear word."

H8: "Snigger."