The only thing missing from today's stars is the tall, handsome stranger.
'Projects I've been working on...' Well nine different literary agencies currently have the synopsis and the first three chapters of Book One, so...
Oh, but 'perhaps job-related...' That might refer to the fact that I'm about to return to work after seven and a half years of maternity leave... 'Perhaps personal enterprises...' oh, but that would be The Book then...
'Success is definitely in the wind...' Oh, I like that bit. Lots. '...Along with a marked increase in income...' that would be bloody marvellous right now, although my part-time job is not richly paid, it is better than not being paid, so perhaps that's the 'marked increase in income...'
'This, of course, is going to boost your confidence...' You bet your bottom it is... 'Not to mention your mood...' Well I'm feeling happier already.
'Try to stay down to earth...' Er, no... 'You won't want to miss anything...' True, but I can see perfectly well from up here, thanks.
Do I believe all this? Not really, but it does make me feel absurdly happy and a little hopeful. If it said: "Oi, loser, this is going to be a crap day, you'll step in dog poo, walk around with your skirt tucked in your knickers, lose £20, get rained on, crash the car and have a huge row with your nearest and dearest," then it might be closer to the truth, but I might not get out of bed at all.
I do avidly read horoscopes though. According to Neil Spencer in the Observer this year us Virgos might have a "sudden willingness to throw over a boorish hubby or Stepford wife in favour of a charismatic eco warrior or rock poet". This sounds great, in theory, or rather it sounds great in fantasy. But, given that there are 12 signs of the zodiac, one 12th of the population will be Virgo, so will there be enough eco warriors and rock poets to go around?
Back to today, though, and Russell Grant says I shouldn't be "too quick to turn down an invitation to travel". Apart from the fact that I am skint and my passport has expired. Jonathan Cainer, meanwhile, says I am "a conductor not a composer". No, I don't really know what that means either.
Oh well. I'll amble around for the rest of the day, hoping for 'success in the wind' and a 'marked increase in income'. I may even do some fantasy shopping in my head with that 'income'... but are we talking Porsche? Or new wellies?