A watched coffee pot...

I've just bought a new cafetiere. Now I know that's not earth-shattering news, but we felt we deserved one considering that we're still using the same one I had as a student at Aberystwyth University in the late 1980s.

Anyone who knew me then will also recognise the cat-shaped cosy which sits on the pot keeping it warm too. Some things are built to last.

Anyway while that one is more tired than broken (and will be retired to the back of the cupboard to await crowds needing the full 12 cups) we have a new eight cup one. We christened it at lunchtime on Sunday having first read the instructions on how to care for it (NOT the dishwasher, apparently).

Then I read the safety advice. Note the bold. This is important.

Never leave cafetiere unattended while brewing.

Why?! What's this one going to do? The old one has been happily brewing coffee unattended for a quarter of a century. Unlike my exiled stove top espresso maker which exploded and fountained scalding coffee all over the kitchen, it has never done anything of note except sit patiently full of ground coffee and boiling water. It broke its glass jug once and has had a replacement filter - but we did that to it, it hasn't done anything else on its own.

I put coffee and water into the new one and attended it. It did nothing. I plunged it and again, nothing. It didn't even spit hot coffee out of the spout. The lid, handle or knob did not become hot either despite dire warnings in the safety advice.

Cat-etiere: What danger lurks beneath?

I concluded the safety advice had been written by imbeciles for imbeciles. Either that or my new cafetiere is faulty. Should it sing and dance? Should I complain to Marks and Sparks?

Nah. I think I'll just drink my coffee.